I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
