wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
