We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
