as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
