dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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