Only a mothe r could love this liver
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
