The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
