If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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