Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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