I think I won the penis lottery.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
