He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My ATM looks so different sober.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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