Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
