also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am naked and annoyed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
