im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
