mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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