hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
