just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
