Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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