I wish I could punch you in the face.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
