Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
