Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
