I got chris browned last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
