We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
