4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
