I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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