I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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