your thong is hanging out like whoa
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
