Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
