first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
