i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
