I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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