your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
