I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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