all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
