Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
