he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
