Christians are straight up FREAKS
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
