All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
God I need to hump something, right now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
