Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
