Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
