Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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