i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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