im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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