cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
