Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
its not stalking. its research.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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