so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
