just tell him i said nine months
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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