i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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