last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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