now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
