I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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