We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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