so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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