I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
