Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
