I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
