He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
