my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
