I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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