I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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