so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
