i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
