worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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