We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
