There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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