Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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