Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
