Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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