those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize