He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
