Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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