White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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