Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
