Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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