His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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