I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
