I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
