I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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