You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
