It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
