wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
