you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
