i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
