1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
