I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
